Lately

Lately I have been concentrating on other issues besides adoption. I know! I know! Adoption encompasses many things besides the topic itself. Adoption also involves women's health issues, children's issues, reproductive choice (abortion vs. adoption), and so much more. Adoption is such a hot button issue as a result of all of these other issues.

I write five different blogs. It is sometimes difficult to keep up with all of them. I tend to concentrate on the sites that make me money so that I can continue to support adoptees and their families in our online community.

I have been very interested in the health care reform issue. I honestly believe that if women had access to decent health care that we would not have the problems that we have with abortion and adoption. I think that universal health care will reduce these numbers. That is something that I would like to see done.

Adoptees are often blamed for increases in abortion when the true reality according to the Alan Guttmacher Institute and others is that women abort because they just do not have the money to support a child. I quote this directly from their site:

Most U.S. women cite more than one factor contributing to their decision to have an abortion: Almost three-quarters say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or other responsibilities; about three-quarters say they cannot afford to have a child; and almost half say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner.

Adoptees have enough to deal with at times without the added responsibility for the future reproductive choices of women in the United States. Adoptees are often told to be grateful that they were not aborted. That is one of the most horrible things to say to any adoptee.

It amazes me that many in the pro-life movement and pro-choice movement ignore these valuable bits of information. I have to give credit to the pro-choice movement. They are starting to recognize the coercive tactics that are often used on pregnant women in this country. It is also dependent on which state but the pro-life movement is starting to do the same. The difference between the two is that the pro-life movement is still very dependent on crisis pregnancy centers across this country. The adoption industry is heavily connected to these centers as well. Bethany Christian Services is the worst culprit.

The adoption industry is a massive multi-billion dollar business that is unregulated. There are attempts to regulate it but they are just band-aids in reality. Adoption needs a massive overhaul so that all parties are protected. Birth mothers are being coerced out of their children. Adoptees are denied access to their original birth certificates. Adoptive parents are being scammed out of their funds and their dream. We have to make changes to the system.

There is no doubt that it will be a painful process in order to change things. It is a process that we all need to go through.

COLEMAN MOTHERS WHERE ARE YOU?

I was in the Coleman Home in Indianapolis, In. I was 16 yrs old on the day my daughter was born. I was told--you're too young to love this baby--you WILL forget--IT will be called a bastard if you keep it--no decent man will marry you-- just forget it ever happened, don't speak of it again.
You're a slut and a bad girl and you have to give the baby up, you don't deserve her after what you did. She needs 2 parents--we guarantee they will be just perfect. Yes, I was brainwashed to believe all of this.
I should have had counseling and should have been able to make my own choice. I shouldn't have suffered all those years from the lies I was told. We were like breeding cattle, our feelings didn't matter. We were left alone to labor and were told, see what happened to you because of what you did. Then arms and legs strapped down and then knocked out so you wouldn't see the baby. I had to beg to even find out it was a girl. What a price to pay to go through the birth and not even see the baby. To be all alone and wonder if ashe was alright. To wonder and wonder and cry and cry, to suffer each birthday, to have such empty arms, to grow up over night and not be the girl you used to be. To wonder why you never forgot the way they told you you would.
ALL of us were lied to. No one should be ashamed. I think we were treated just one step below a murderer. We commeted the unpardonable sin. It took me years to overcome this. By talking to other Moms I finally found out we ARE good people who just made a mistake. I, however, have never heard from another Coleman Mom who has had the guts to stand up for herself now. I just can't imagine I am the only one. I am asking you to contact us on this site or email me at barnesm@rtcol.com .
I also asking Amy's mother to please stand up and be proud of your daughter, she wasn't a mistake, she is a beautiful person. Don't think any other children will be ashamed of you. What they would be is disapointed that you have lied to them all these years. She will find you one day for sure and if then you are gone you won't be able to tell your story to your family in your own words. Please acknowledge her and make her pain go away, you are denying yourself and your family so much!!
Coleman Moms, please speak up. don't let their brainwashing last all these years. We owe our children to know they were loved and where they came from. We need to TELL abt the hell we went thro. Giving us no choice and taking these babies from us and urging us to be ashamed and hide it from the world. Help us all to contact each other and talk about what we went through. I am hoping desparately to hear from any of you!! Janice Barnes

ANNE

Its been a year and half since I attempted to have you contacted. I wonder now if you were even contacted. I even wonder if my birthday is the correct one. I have spoken with two other women. One of which was there at the same time. She had a son the day before I was born. She saw no one else there. So many questions, so few answers.

I hope you don't get upset but I refuse to celebrate my birthday any longer until I have the truth. Its even hard for me to celebrate Mother's day. When neither you nor my adoptive mom will celebrate your part in me, how can I truly recognize my own motherhood? I guess in time I will. I am just not ready for it yet. Sadly my adoptive mom can't remember the day that she picked me up. So we are fussing over which day to pick.

I honestly feel that any calling should have come from me or you. It should not have had a CI in the middle of it. So many unknowns with agendas of their own. I want you to know that I fight for you and me. I fight for a safer environment for the both of us. It irritates me no end that our society will not even today allow young women the choice of raising their own children. I don't want my daughters to ever go through what you went through. So I do this for my daughters, their children, and everyone else's children.

I spoke with a woman who was there a year and half after you. I know how you were treated. It just about killed me to know that. I had heard it from others but I was always told that Coleman was above the rest. I guess they weren't. I wonder if they weren't worse. Sadly I was read the counseling sessions with your father. I don't know if this is true. I had a friend, Addie, who helped me. She feels most of the information is a lie.

I know you read my other blog. I can feel it when you are there sometimes. I know that this is a hard month for you too. When you decide to come bursting out of that closet, know that I have a support group in place for you. Women who are just like you are all willing to be there for you. They are all over this country. They will help you through this just as I will. Know that I do love you. Know that there is really nothing to forgive. You were young and in love. I know and understand that. We will take this one step at a time. Just you and me. We CAN do this. Just check the links. They will get you to me. If you can avoid using the agency, please do so. They might charge you money as they did me.