Monday, June 15, 2009

Birthmother vs. Adoptive Mother

I recently got criticized for searching for my birth mother. The person made an erroneous comment on the fact that I must not love my adoptive mother if I am searching. I really thought this person got adoption. I guessed wrong. She recently used that as an excuse to dismiss my adoptive mother’s asthma as insignificant. I saw nothing but red with that comment alone. I know that I will not forgive that person any time soon. I will no longer allow that person back into my life.

This is what many outside of adoption do not understand. Some adoptees did have a bad experience with their adoptive parents. I am by no means dismissing their experiences. Understand one thing with ME. I love my adoptive mother. Between her and my birthmother friends, I would not have survived my search. She is the one that kept having faith in a woman who is obviously filled with fear if what I was told was the truth. If it was not the truth, then we still have hope in a woman who will make contact.

I really hate it when people like this individual make assumptions about others. My adoptive mother is extremely proud of the fact that I am standing up and not letting the adoption machine run me over. In fact, she is wanting a copy of the adoption decree as she never received a copy of it. All that my adoptive parents received was my amended birth certificate once the adoption was complete.

If you are a friend of an adoptee, do not dismiss their experience. Do not assume that an adoptee does not love either set of parents. Do not assume that because they want to search that they do not love their adoptive parents. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ADOPTIVE PARENTS. It is about understanding who they are as a person. It is about understanding one’s identity. It takes a lot of gall on the part of individual to dismiss an adoptee’s experience. This coming from someone who has their ancestry. This is coming from a person who knows who her children are. This is coming from a person who knows who their parents are. I really hate ignorance such as hers.

It is a huge insult to adoptees and their families all over the country. It is a huge dismissal of those families. We make up ten percent of the population when an individual does this to one person. This kind of commentary continues to reflect negatively on the adoption community.

I would like to see someone take her identiy and tell her that she can not have access to it any longer. She could not contact her parents or her children. I wonder how quick she would shut up. She would probably scream holy hell. Honestly I think that she should just mind her own business.

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