Birthmother vs. Adoptive Mother

I recently got criticized for searching for my birth mother. The person made an erroneous comment on the fact that I must not love my adoptive mother if I am searching. I really thought this person got adoption. I guessed wrong. She recently used that as an excuse to dismiss my adoptive mother’s asthma as insignificant. I saw nothing but red with that comment alone. I know that I will not forgive that person any time soon. I will no longer allow that person back into my life.

This is what many outside of adoption do not understand. Some adoptees did have a bad experience with their adoptive parents. I am by no means dismissing their experiences. Understand one thing with ME. I love my adoptive mother. Between her and my birthmother friends, I would not have survived my search. She is the one that kept having faith in a woman who is obviously filled with fear if what I was told was the truth. If it was not the truth, then we still have hope in a woman who will make contact.

I really hate it when people like this individual make assumptions about others. My adoptive mother is extremely proud of the fact that I am standing up and not letting the adoption machine run me over. In fact, she is wanting a copy of the adoption decree as she never received a copy of it. All that my adoptive parents received was my amended birth certificate once the adoption was complete.

If you are a friend of an adoptee, do not dismiss their experience. Do not assume that an adoptee does not love either set of parents. Do not assume that because they want to search that they do not love their adoptive parents. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ADOPTIVE PARENTS. It is about understanding who they are as a person. It is about understanding one’s identity. It takes a lot of gall on the part of individual to dismiss an adoptee’s experience. This coming from someone who has their ancestry. This is coming from a person who knows who her children are. This is coming from a person who knows who their parents are. I really hate ignorance such as hers.

It is a huge insult to adoptees and their families all over the country. It is a huge dismissal of those families. We make up ten percent of the population when an individual does this to one person. This kind of commentary continues to reflect negatively on the adoption community.

I would like to see someone take her identiy and tell her that she can not have access to it any longer. She could not contact her parents or her children. I wonder how quick she would shut up. She would probably scream holy hell. Honestly I think that she should just mind her own business.

Taking Things off the Beaten Path

David Carradine died recently of horrific circumstances. After learning more about the situation, I honestly wish that he had committed suicide. That is just as bad but I feel that he would have his honor still intact. I feel that his privacy has been invaded in a very humiliating way. This information should have never been leaked to the press.

David Carradine was a tremendous actor. I loved him in Kill Bill Volumes One and Two. He was aweseome. I have often enjoyed many of his westerns as well. He was a great actor. It is sad to see him so humiliated like he has been.

If he had a dark side to his life, it was really no one's business. It feels like someone is trying to hurt his reputation as an actor. Why do we need to know that most intimate details of someone's life and death? We don't. I feel for his family. I feel for his real life friends.

This whole saga about the end of his life is just sad and pathetic. I would have rather remembered him as a great man than what the end of his life was. I do not blame the family for wanting the FBI to step in. There is just something that is wrong with this picture.

Sorry I have been wanting to say that for a long time.

Does Adoption Equal Slavery?

It has started to be a hot debate over at Firstmother Forum. Although I can see the argument on both sides of this issue. I tend to favor the side that it is similar to slavery. There is a reason why I feel this strongly. We are held to a contract that we did not consent to. We are denied access to our heritage, our identity, and other vital information.

At the same time, I can not call my adoptive mother a slave owner but I could with my adoptive fathers. The first adoptive father considered me replaceable. He did this at the age of five for me. I was merchandise that he bought and discarded very easily. It still irritates me to this day. I know that he was just showing up my adoptive mother. I still do not like being his pawn even to this day.

My second adoptive father probably thought that I was a bad seed. Those things get very old after a while. I feel like property of someone and of the state. That really irritates me as a whole.

Where adoptive parents are to blame for this thinking amongst both birthparents and adoptees is that they do not stand up and fight for the rights of their children. If you truly love your adopted child, you would do that now while they are young and even into adulthood. I am not saying all adoptive parents by any means. I am friends with adoptive parents that do exactly that. There are huge organizations such as PEAR that do support that right of their children. It is the others that I am speaking to. Those that still continue to adopt from agencies that promote closed adoptions. Those that still continue to adopt from agencies that fight to keep those records sealed. Those are the adoptive parents that I am speaking to.

If you have chosen to adopt from any of the NCFA adoption agencies, you are wrong. These adoption agencies promote an unequal agenda that protects only themselves. They do not seek to protect you. That is where those adoptive parents must stop listening to the likes of the NCFA. The legislators are continuing in this negative belief themselves when they vote against adoptee/birthparent access.

Adoptee rights has nothing to do with abortion. Many of the legislators are holding us accountable for the future reproductive choices of American women. It is not my responsibility to worry about that. It is unreasonable for the legislators to continue to do so. That is putting too much emotional burden on children. That attitude needs to go by the wayside.

It is also not the child or adult adoptee’s responsibility to be held accountable for the actions of adults. It is time to end this fallacy. I do not know if we ever will as long as adoptive parents allow the agencies to have this much control.

This is where we need to change the thinking. Adoption is not win/win/win. It is based on loss.

My Apologies

I apologize for not keep up with this blog. I have been distracted with my adoptive mother's illness, Texas legislation, and a potential affair on the part of my husband. I have been busy trying to take care of all of those issues. As a result, there are several aspects of my life that have been left to suffer from neglect. I apologize to my readers for that.

I really wanted to take a break from adoption period. It has gotten to a point where it is nauseating at the very best to utter vomit in other parts. I believe Ethiopia will be the next Guatemala. I am at a point where I can not control everything. So I am slowing down taking care of myself and my daughters. My husband had better get his head of his butt soon.

So I apologize again to my readers for my lack of attention to many of the details of adoption. Those issues are still very much there. There are excellent whispers in Indiana of a potential bill. I thank God that Indiana does appear to be more progressive than Texas. So keep hope and fingers crossed so that we can make changes.

Take Care one and all.