I see a great deal of adoptee bloggers these days. I have been reading them. One of my best friends, Musing Mother, wrote something, "Isn't It Ironic." This was a zinger that many adoptees are upset about.
I know that there are women who do not desire contact with the children they surrendered. I believe that there will be more of them as time goes by, and people see, hear and read some of the things that adopted adults have to say about them, or they realize how difficult and painful reunion can be. And, I am sure that there are some women who have, indeed, hidden this secret for almost a half a century. But, come on! Does anyone REALLY believe that they called the NCFA and whined to Chuck for protection? I don't think so.
I am not criticizing any thing that Musing Mother wrote. After having written about adoption and its effect on adoptees and their families for the last four years, I have developed an opinion. I am one of those adoptees whose first mother denied contact. I was hurt by the initial action on this. I was not given my original birth certificate because she denied contact. I also have reason to doubt what was said and done on my behalf. I think it even raised the hackles of an adoption attorney in Indiana. Just like my first mother was not given choices, neither was I. If I had been read the adoption file prior to contact, I would have changed the direction and had my first father contacted first. That way I could have been guaranteed her information. I would have been given access to my file. I could have made contact with her giving her the support and love that she needed to make the transition that I have made.
Hind sight is always 20/20. Looking back over my writings, maybe some of them would have scared her but I think not. I think it was her own actions at that time that gave her pause. She was cruel to my first father. Although I understand it, it is still not right to have denied me.
Four and half years later, I no longer feel so abandoned. I am one of the lucky ones in that I had a great adoptive family. I still do. My adoptive family is a group of female lionesses that protect each other. Every possible fear that I can imagine has been faced.
I am actually now okay with the fact that she doesn't want contact from me. I am not angry at her for it. I am not hurt any longer. It was her choice. I honestly believe that she did not realize what ramifications her choice did to me. If a person doesn't know any better, how can they really have any accountability in this mess called adoption?
One of the comments left behind by an anonymous adoptee as well as other adoptees is that they want the mothers to be accountable for their choices. Some of them should be but many others I disagree. I know too many women who didn't have a choice in the adoption of their child. I believe the sixties were extremely cruel to women. I think today society is still cruel to women and their children. I know because I experienced it.
I am not criticizing any thing that Musing Mother wrote. After having written about adoption and its effect on adoptees and their families for the last four years, I have developed an opinion. I am one of those adoptees whose first mother denied contact. I was hurt by the initial action on this. I was not given my original birth certificate because she denied contact. I also have reason to doubt what was said and done on my behalf. I think it even raised the hackles of an adoption attorney in Indiana. Just like my first mother was not given choices, neither was I. If I had been read the adoption file prior to contact, I would have changed the direction and had my first father contacted first. That way I could have been guaranteed her information. I would have been given access to my file. I could have made contact with her giving her the support and love that she needed to make the transition that I have made.
Hind sight is always 20/20. Looking back over my writings, maybe some of them would have scared her but I think not. I think it was her own actions at that time that gave her pause. She was cruel to my first father. Although I understand it, it is still not right to have denied me.
Four and half years later, I no longer feel so abandoned. I am one of the lucky ones in that I had a great adoptive family. I still do. My adoptive family is a group of female lionesses that protect each other. Every possible fear that I can imagine has been faced.
I am actually now okay with the fact that she doesn't want contact from me. I am not angry at her for it. I am not hurt any longer. It was her choice. I honestly believe that she did not realize what ramifications her choice did to me. If a person doesn't know any better, how can they really have any accountability in this mess called adoption?
One of the comments left behind by an anonymous adoptee as well as other adoptees is that they want the mothers to be accountable for their choices. Some of them should be but many others I disagree. I know too many women who didn't have a choice in the adoption of their child. I believe the sixties were extremely cruel to women. I think today society is still cruel to women and their children. I know because I experienced it.
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